To: All Elected Officials
From: Your Employer, U.S. Citizen
Date: October 21, 2014
Re: Performance Review and Employee Counseling Statement
As your employer, the U.S. Citizens submit this counseling statement to all individuals seeking election. Overall, employee performance the past decade has been dissatisfactory and requires immediate improvement. This counseling statement will be added to your permanent file and should be consulted frequently if you wish to keep your job. All new applicants should heed these performance requirements.
We have listed nine areas that need immediate improvement and suggest you review the same prior to November 4th, 2014. Your public acknowledgement of deficiencies in job performance is necessary to determine your future employment. Failure to acknowledge this counseling statement may result in your immediate replacement.
Remember why we hired you: You campaigned hard for the position and spent a fortune. We hired you because we believed you were sincere about working to meet the needs of our country, not so you could become rich and famous. Be sure your advertisements include your achievements, we are not interested in how methodically you can tear apart your opponent.
Work Hard: Based on our observations, the country and parts of the world are a real mess. We expect you to focus on solving the country’s challenges, not focusing on partisanship, parties, and perks.
Work within the confines of the U.S. Constitution: The Constitution is not some outdated document to ignore when you wish to advance your agenda. It is the foundation of the Rule of Law in our great land. You took an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. We expect you to honor that oath!
Work well with each other: We are sick and tired of the bullying and partisan behavior in Washington. There is much work to be done. We require you to speak civilly with one another. Displaying smirks, sneers or showboating for personal gain or “name recognition” is not helpful and is beneath the dignity of your office. We don’t tolerate this type of behavior with our children and we will not tolerate this behavior from our employees. Find ways to seek consensus on the big issues, and listen twice as much as you speak
Spend more time working and less time trying to get re-elected: We understand that some election cycles occure every two years. Be advised we are sympathetic to your fears of losing your position. We suggest you replace the motto “you can never stop campaigning” with “you can never stop working.” Work hard and communicate well with us and at reelection time and we will gladly return you to office.
Communicate honestly: There are times when you have not been honest and forthright, this is completely unacceptable! We expect you to speak the truth, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. We are not a nation of liars. Communicate honestly with your constituency and we will honor you for it.
Obey the Law: When we hired you for your position, we did not grant you a license to misbehave or break the law. As your employers, we are compelled to obey the law, we expect you to do so as well. We expect you to follow the letter and the spirit of the law.
Admit you have an addiction to publicity: We recognize that it is very difficult to resist the temptations of fame and power. However, this addiction is simply not acceptable. Pride and arrogance are to be avoided at all times. We do want you to speak out when you have something meaningful to offer.
Do the right thing: We believe if you start each day with a firm resolve to serve the people honestly and to work to the best of your abilities, you will find your job is meaningful and tremendously rewarding. We acknowledge there is strong peer pressure and outright threats to pursue someone else’s agenda. If you resist and do the right thing for America then we will back you up. We respect backbone and integrity. Remember, if everyone stays quiet when great problems arise, small problems can grow quickly and threaten the very wellbeing of our citizens and our great country.
If you take this counseling statement to heart and commit to following these guidelines we will eagerly support you. If you choose to ignore this warning we will give another worthy candidate the opportunity to do better in 2014.
While we hope to work with you for many years to come we must be abundantly clear that your job performance has been unacceptable. As such, we require you make a clear public commitment to these basic job requirements or we will have no choice but to replace you, either now or at your next job review in 2016.
Like and share if you agree that all elected officials should publicly acknowledge their short comings and pledge to follow these basic guidelines going forward.